new additions

i made this today sitting outside watching stormy weather give way to the sun. it was a gloomy turned to sunny day. i had looked at the shirt for so long that by the time my incredible roommate sarah came home i was about to give up on it...she made me see the light, and after a few hours break from staring it down i decided that it is quite nice and i like it :)

splatters and hearts

so as of recently i have been painting on shirts with textile paints...super fun...here is one! hope you like it-more coming along in a bit (famous last words-lol)

....it's been a while...

life is funny and it gets in the way of things, or maybe it's the getting-in-the-way-of-things that composes life itself. since the last i looked at this now cob-webby old blog i impulsively created months ago so much has changed. the same soul-searching, God seeking, irresistibly yearning feelings are flitting around from my head to my heels as i try to live and hope and bring joy daily. recent events have brought again how unpredictable things can be and how likely they are to change to my pondering once again...but the conclusion it has brought me to is one that i've always know to be true but that God seems to need to continually remind me of...loving isn't easy, it isn't perfect, it is messy and hard and holding onto hope through all the ups and downs and heartbreaks and having the vulnerability to keep on doing that is hard-it sucks-it can tear you apart-and it hurt so much....but it is what we, I, am called to do-because how could there be another way? what other act or spoken word or emotion could have such an impact? what else do we as human vessels posses, what else have we been given that can be poured out over and over again in such enormous amazing quantities? what else can we do but to love? to love as unconditionally and openly as we possibly can, to keep pouring out knowing that we are going to be filled back up again and again? why wouldn't we? what is stopping us? stopping me? i want to love with a reckless abandon that could have only come from a perfect savior...There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. 1John4:18a...

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. "

-To Write Love on Her Arms

.muffins fix things.

Today I am domestic. It doesn't happen very often and when it does all the females in my family get so excited their cheeks turn all rosy as they exclaim over my creations and how lovely they are. I don't think they realize that baking is something deeply comforting to my wind tossed soul and I only do it when I must refocus my mind on the things that are truly important and not the random feathers that I cannot seems to pull my thoughts away from. Sometimes muffins just fix things. Not the eating of them, but the making. When I really think about this I think the reason why I find baking a last resort when I get all wound up is because even though I might not enjoy the process of making the muffins, i am better because of it. It is sometimes hard and I go into the process knowing I am going to get messy and have a mess to clean up. I go in knowing that I am going to have to be patient and wait for the muffins to cook. I go in knowing that I might not understand everything that the directions say to do but that sometimes the understanding is not as important as the doing. Me-making muffins-reminds me that my life is a lot like the process. I am, right now, going through a time in my life when I am having to have patients, having to deal with some messes and clean them up, and having to step out in faith when I may not completely understand why. But I know that just like this afternoon the end result will be worth the trouble, that in the end I will have muffins and not the nothing that not making the muffins would have given me. Muffins speak volume's.